Tyla Iacobucci
English 1001
Mr. Maxey
30 March 2020
Rough Draft 1
Retail stores are DYING! This is the END to retail stores everywhere. Well… possibly. Put down your laptop and go try on those new shoes at the business near you! According to thebalancesmb.com 8,139 stores have closed since 2017 and it could possibly be 12,000 by the end of the year. That is CRAZY! There needs to be a stop put to this. Small businesses are not surviving. Small businesses that could possibly be big one day, all with the help of some customers. Online shopping is killing retails stores. This is being called the “”retail apocalypse” says thebalancesmb.com, this is the continuing trend of Americans making purchases online. Consumers enjoy the freedom of shopping on their computer or phone and avoiding trips to a store.” Little do they know there are so many faults with online shopping, that it is really not worth it.
Technology is playing a big part in our lives right now without us even knowing it. Shutting down all retail stores could change our lives, our environment and our day to day needs. Could you imagine how boring life would be with nothing outside but houses and factories. This could possibly cut out the whole idea of “shopping.” Shopping is walking around stores, trying on different things, testing different products and most importantly seeing the product first hand before even purchasing it. No lies, fakes, frauds, and no problems. Keeping retail stores alive should be the goal. So many stores have been shut down already that it would be ashame to shut down 12,000. Online shopping is not everything it seems.
When was the last time you shopped online? It is much easier than driving to the store and walking around, wasn’t it? Why get up and stop what you are doing when you can order whatever you want right from your couch! Also have it delivered in a couple days! This new shopping method is taking over, taking retail stores right out of business. According to CNBC, this is happening for the first time ever. People are turning to online shopping for everything such as electronics, clothes, shoes, furniture, accessories and anything else you can imagine. Some of these internet sites are starting to deliver, you can have your product delivered within 24 hours in some cases. For example, Apple. Apple will deliver to you for as low as 10 dollars, depending on your location! With things like this being available to you, why would you go to the store? This is what is convenient to most people, especially for people without cars or any type of transportation. It seems easy, new and improved but is it really? Is this really the best thing for all shopping to be online? All may seem well ,but this is not the best idea. Although online shopping has its pros they are followed by many cons.
Last updated by CNBC on April 3, 2019 at 2:34 PM, online shopping led by Amazon, which is one of the biggest online shopping websites hit a new milestone. The total market share of “non-store,” or online U.S. retail sales was higher than general merchandise sales for the first time in history, according to a report from the Commerce Department this week, says CNBC. In the beginning shopping online was just a trend and no one knew it would be taken this far. This is causing many stores to go out of business, especially small ones. Everywhere you look there is big clearance and mark downs sales everywhere! There is empty shops everywhere. according to statistics published earlier this year by the Local Data Company, the number of shops lying empty rose by 7,500 in 2018, says Forbes. This is putting a lot of people out of jobs, if these retail stores get no service they make no profit. This makes them unable to pay their employees. About four months ago reported by theguardian.com, Retailers have axed 85,000 jobs in the past year as weak consumer demand, rising costs and the switch to online shopping. Leaving these people stuck to find new jobs that may not even be possible. As of today there are millions of stores in the United States that employee many people, support many families and are a lot of peoples only source of income. Online shopping is eliminated so many jobs its unreal. Not just one or two but hundreds of people word for these retail stores, whether it be a big company or a small business this is unfair. Many people are suffering from this horrible transition.
This is a big problem in the United States, we are all turning towards the internet for everything. Not everyone has access to the internet and this is creating a problem. People that are from a early day in age, are not use to this. At the rate we are moving in, all stores could be eliminated completely. Forcing everyone to use the online stores. This may seem convenient for some but not everyone. People need their jobs back!
Businesses are suffering from the internet. Online shopping is taking over the United states. This is causing many problems that you may be unaware of when you click checkout and enter your debit card number. Not only does online shopping cause many people to lose their jobs and be unemployed but it also downplays and up plays products. This is causing businesses to shut down because people are turning to the internet for all sorts of things. Instead shopping at a store and seeing the product before purchasing, people are ordering things online and not knowing honestly what quality they are buying. Only thing that is available to you online are pictures that might not even be accurate. When shopping for a product online you do not get the full effect. When you purchase a item you want it to be what it is supposed to be but when it comes to online that is not always true. Shopping online also comes with returning things that way to, which is a pain. According to zoovu.com consumers hate dealing with returns just as much as retailers or brand manufacturers do. They refuse to buy a product online if they cannot capture it mentally or cannot imagine how it will look like once unpacked. Not applying the right description, can really cause problems.
Ordering online is not everything it seems. Have you ever looked online, found a good price and ordered the product and it comes in the mail nothing like you thought? This is what is putting businesses out of business. Online shopping does not compare to walking around a shop physically. For example boredpanda.com provides Thought you had ordered a TV stand for an outrageously good price? It turns out it’s for a dollhouse. Bought a fabulous prom dress? Don’t get too excited, because it will probably look like a potato sack says the article. These type of things should not be a issue, when you can easily drive to your local store and know exactly what you are purchasing. There so many different cases of people ordering products offline and they end up looking the total opposite of what it is really supposed to be.
A lot of websites are unreliable. So why rely on online shops when you can easily tale a trip to get it yourself. Purchasing items in store can create less problems for not only you but businesses, employees that are working there. Start supporting businesses physically in person to help them grow. Online shopping creates issues that can really cause hassels.
Have you ever been scammed before? Found something you really wanted online and ordered it but it never came? Well I know I have and it is something really easy to fall for. There are over millions of websites out there, trying to sell so many different products and it is so easy to slip up. “While many online sellers are legitimate, unfortunately scammers can use the anonymous nature of the internet to rip off unsuspecting shoppers.” says scamwatch.gov. They promote just like a real business, have pop up ads, and also set their websites up to look identical to real ones. But there are things you need to look for before entering your credit card number. Browsing the internet can be a very unsafe place for not only adults but for children also. So why depend on it for shopping when you can easily go shop at your local businesses to meet your needs. This avoids being scammed at all cost, and providing business to all small business owners. Getting your money stolen is not worth it!
According to AARP Real Possibilities scammers will sometimes sell you a bogus product. “Some of these copycats do deliver merchandise — shoddy knockoffs worth less than even the “discount” price you mistook for a once-in-a-lifetime deal on, say, Tiffany watches or Timberland boots.” These scammers will tell you a product is worth more than what they bought it for just by saying it is an expensive brand. All just to get money out of you. AARP explains how these scammers get the most people during holidays, they do this by sending links that are fake, emails and pop up adds. People are so busy with the holidays they don’t even bother to check things such as the URL and things to ensure them that the site is safe so they can provide their personal information. That is what is important, these are the things you need to check before applying any personal information. It is sad because a lot of people don’t even know what they are looking for when checking this.
Shopping online runs you the risk of so many different frauds and negative impacts for no reason when you can safely shop at a store near you. People set up fake websites and lie to pretend they are a compony they aren’t. According to scamnet.gov many fake sites have been shut down just in the past year or two. For example back in January of 2020 a fake Nike site was shut down by WA scamnet and the scary thing is, is that it looks exactly like the legit Nike site on the front so any average would have fell for it. If these sites advertise good deals people will be interested and hop on the site fast. These are the reason businesses are getting shut down after a being open for years and years. People are automatically assuming online shopping is what to turn to but it puts you at risk. Support all businesses.
Although online shopping is causing many businesses problems all the way down to shutting completely down it is understandable how people would rather just order their products without leaving the house. Just a few clicks and you’re done! All shoppers need to know what this is doing to our business owners though. Just only shopping can cause issues, so why not do both. Although online shopping is so much easier, try to get out once in a while to support a business. Think of other people, not everyone shops online and not everyone has access to the internet. So many businesses are shutting down around the world and just a little support could save them! I mean we all know how easy and convenient it is to look outside and see the package sitting there that you didn’t even have to go get, you got to spend your time doing something else while it was on its way. It is so easy! This could damage companies as a whole though, already so many have been shut down and were on the road to more! It is going from small businesses to large businesses very quickly. This can cause not only stores but factories too. If no factories no shopping and also no online shopping. This is a problem we can all fix, being lazy is fun but is it not really worth it. So here is a solution, order a few things online but also take the time to walk around a store sometimes, it is very beneficial.
In conclusion, online shopping is shutting down retails stores and it is happening fast. Everywhere you look there are huge sales going on and final closing signs. The cause of this is people would rather just order their product online so it can be delivered to your house and be done in 5 minutes instead of taking to time to actually walk around a store or a mall. This is having a huge impact on businesses, especially the smaller ones that are just starting out. The small businesses are receiving no support to get possibly get big! People have become lazy! According to optinmonster.com, over 91% of the worlds population shops online. “Online shopping is growing so fast that the global online shopping market size is predicted to hit 4 trillion in 2020. And in the US alone, we’re expecting to have 300 million online shoppers in 2023. That’s 91% of the entire country’s population!” That is a lot! But people do not realize what it is doing to business owners and jobs. This is completely wiping them out. This isn’t even future business owners a chance. Stop being lazy and go shop!
Work Cited
Farfan, Barbara. “Why Retail Companies Are Closing Stores.” The Balance Small Business, The Balance Small Business, 5 Aug. 2019,https://www.thebalancesmb.com/all-us-store-closings-2891888
Krooney. “Online Shopping Overtakes a Major Part of Retail for the First Time Ever.” CNBC, CNBC, 3 Apr. 2019,https://www.cnbc.com/2019/04/02/online-shopping-officially-overtakes-brick-and-mortar-retail-for-the-first-time-ever.html
Clawson, Trevor. “Online Shopping Is Killing Physical Stores – Can A Digital Platform Come To The Rescue?” Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 29 July 2019,https://www.forbes.com/sites/trevorclawson/2019/07/28/online-shopping-is-killing-physical-stores-can-a-digital-platform-come-to-the-rescue/#58099b3e7472
Butler, Sarah. “Retailers Cut 85,000 Jobs in Past Year.” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 23 Oct. 2019,https://www.theguardian.com/business/2019/oct/24/retailers-cut-85000-jobs-in-past-year
Editor We are a collective of e-commerce aficionados, et al. “Solve the 7 Biggest Problems of Online Shoppers.” Zoovu Blog, 16 July 2019,https://zoovu.com/blog/solve-the-5-biggest-problems-of-online-shoppers/
Jaruševičiūtė, Greta. “61 People Who Deeply Regret Their Online Purchases.” Bored Panda, Bored Panda, 17 May 2019,https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-online-shopping-fails/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
Aarp, and Aarp. “Fake Stores, Imposters and Other Online Shopping Scams.” ,https://www.aarp.org/money/scams-fraud/info-2019/online-shopping.html
Scamnet, http://www.scamnet.wa.gov.au/scamnet/Scam_types-,https://www.scamnet.wa.gov.au/scamnet/Scam_types-Buying_or_selling-Online_shopping_scams.htm
Ouellette, et al. “Online Shopping Statistics You Need to Know in 2020.” OptinMonster, 3 Jan. 2020,https://optinmonster.com/online-shopping-statistics/
Tyla Iacobucci 
Part 1
1. Read the entire essay.
2. Are there any confusing parts of the text? If so, where? Explain what parts are confusing and how the author might fix them. No there are no confusing parts in the text.
3. Are there any places in the text that misuse or are missing in-text citation (last name and page number)? If so, where? Instead of using the mla intext citation she uses the website url. Explain what the author should do to fix these citations. There is nothing to fix here she is clearly giving the author credit by showing proof of where the readers might find it.
4. Are there any places in the text that are vague or need more support? If so, where? What might the author do to fix this section? No the section are very clear to understand.
Introduction
1. In the introduction, does the author have a clear Hook? What is it? If he/she doesn’t have anything interesting what might he/she use to pull the reader into his/her essay? Provide at least one suggestion for how the author can make this section more interesting, clearer, etc. yes she has a very clear and understandable hook.
2. 4. Does the author explain the history of the issue? If not, what might he/she do to fix this? Does the author provide a history of the argument surrounding the issue? If not, what might he/she do to fix this? Does the author explain the relevance of the issue? If not, what might he/she do to fix this? Does the author explain why a unique solution is necessary? If not, what might he/she do to fix this? Provide at least one suggestion for improving or adding to the author’s background section. Yes, she provided history in the introduction and which she also does provides an argument surrounding the issue. Yes she mentions the relevance of the issue she is addressing here. No the author doesn’t mention the solution that could be necessary. She could fix this by just going into the introduction paragraph and finding the right spot where she could add that part into the section without throwing her flow off.
3. Does the author have a clear thesis? Does it have a clear purpose (proposed solution)? If not, what might he/she do to fix this? Does it have clear direction (at least 3 arguments)? If not, what might he/she do to fix this? Are there any ways the author can make this clearer or more succinct? Provide at least one suggestion for revision. The thesis is very clear but I don’t think I see a purpose in this section. She can fix this by showing ways where a solution can fit in between this all.
Main Point 1
4. Does the author have a clear topic sentence for Main Point 1? If not, what might he/she do to fix this? How might he/she make it clearer? Yes she have a clear topic sentence of the issue she will be focusing on in this text.
5. Does the author provide a syllogism explaining the logic behind his/her first argument (2 premises and 1 claim). If so, then is there any way the author can make the syllogism clearer? Is there any way the author can/should change the syllogism so that it is logically valid and true? Provide at least one suggestion for revision. Yes the author has a great syllogism explain the logic there is nothing she need to fix right here.
6. Does the author provide support for his/her first premise (of the syllogism)? If not, what might he/she do to fix this (What support would make this section clearer or more developed?)? Provide at least one suggestion. Yes, the support she provides us with is when she is mentioning the part about the apple.
7. Does the author provide support for his/her second premise (of the syllogism)? If not, what might he/she do to fix this (What support would make this section clearer or more developed?)? Provide at least one suggestion. No, she doesn’t what she can do to fix this is by giving us another example to help back up her second premise.
8. Does the author explain the implications of the evidence (why they prove that their first argument [reason] is true)? Does the author connect the claim (of the syllogism) to the main point? If not, then what might he/she do to fix this section? Provide at least one suggestion for revision. Yes she explains the implications of the evidence of how where how it all can go wrong if that would ever to happen.
9. Does the author provide a clear transitionary sentence as the final sentence of Main Point 1?
Yes the main point 1 has clear transitionary sentence.
Main Point 2
10. Does the author have a clear topic sentence for Main Point 2? If not, what might he/she do to fix this? How might he/she make it clearer? Yes the author provides a clear topic sentence for the main point 2.
11. Does the author provide a syllogism explaining the logic behind his/her second argument (2 premises and 1 claim). If so, then is there any way the author can make the syllogism clearer? Is there any way the author can/should change the syllogism so that it is logically valid and true? Provide at least one suggestion for revision. Yes the author explains it very well in this part of the section she really shows the reader that there is really two parts of this evidence.
12. Does the author provide support for his/her first premise (of the syllogism)? If not, what might he/she do to fix this (What support would make this section clearer or more developed?)? Provide at least one suggestion. Yes she provides support for the syllogism by mention the troubles with online shopping.
13. Does the author provide support for his/her second premise (of the syllogism)? If not, what might he/she do to fix this (What support would make this section clearer or more developed?)? Provide at least one suggestion. No she doesn’t mention a second one but she can fix this by just adding just one more premise in between and also making sure it is much understandable for her and the readers.
14. Does the author explain the implications of the evidence (why they prove that their first argument [reason] is true)? Does the author connect the claim (of the syllogism) to the main point? If not, then what might he/she do to fix this section? Provide at least one suggestion for revision. Yes she connects every implications of evidence that will lead her right back to her main point of the whole entire selection.
15. Does the author provide a clear transitionary sentence as the final sentence of Main Point 2? yes she do.
Main Point 3
16. Does the author have a clear topic sentence for Main Point 3? If not, what might he/she do to fix this? How might he/she make it clearer? Main point 3 has a really nice clear topic that won’t have the readers at all.
17. Does the author provide a syllogism explaining the logic behind his/her third argument (2 premises and 1 claim). If so, then is there any way the author can make the syllogism clearer? Is there any way the author can/should change the syllogism so that it is logically valid and true? Provide at least one suggestion for revision. Yes she has a syllogism explaining the logic behind her argument there is nothing more she needs to fix or add.
18. Does the author provide support for his/her first premise (of the syllogism)? If not, what might he/she do to fix this (What support would make this section clearer or more developed?)? Provide at least one suggestion. Yes she has a very clear understandable premise to help support her claim in this section there is nothing more she needs to add or fix.
19. Does the author provide support for his/her second premise (of the syllogism)? If not, what might he/she do to fix this (What support would make this section clearer or more developed?)? Provide at least one suggestion. Yes there is a second one to help also support her evidence she has found.
20. Does the author explain the implications of the evidence (why they prove that their first argument [reason] is true)? Does the author connect the claim (of the syllogism) to the main point? If not, then what might he/she do to fix this section? Provide at least one suggestion for revision. Yes there is nothing else that needs to be fix in this section she had a claim that connects with the main point.
21. Does the author provide a clear transitionary sentence as the final sentence of Main Point 3? Yes the author provides
Main Point 4 (if necessary)
22. Does the author have a clear topic sentence for Main Point 3? If not, what might he/she do to fix this? How might he/she make it clearer?
23. Does the author provide a syllogism explaining the logic behind his/her third argument (2 premises and 1 claim). If so, then is there any way the author can make the syllogism clearer? Is there any way the author can/should change the syllogism so that it is logically valid and true? Provide at least one suggestion for revision.
24. Does the author provide support for his/her first premise (of the syllogism)? If not, what might he/she do to fix this (What support would make this section clearer or more developed?)? Provide at least one suggestion.
25. Does the author provide support for his/her second premise (of the syllogism)? If not, what might he/she do to fix this (What support would make this section clearer or more developed?)? Provide at least one suggestion.
26. Does the author explain the implications of the evidence (why they prove that their first argument [reason] is true)? Does the author connect the claim (of the syllogism) to the main point? If not, then what might he/she do to fix this section? Provide at least one suggestion for revision.
27. Does the author provide a clear transitionary sentence as the final sentence of Main Point 3?
Refutation:
28. Does the author provide an objective explanation of any counter positions/solutions? If not, then what might he/she do to fix this? Are there any ways that the counter positions could be made clearer? Are there any counter positions the author might have missed? Are there any ways to develop this section more fully? Does the author explain places where the opposing argument is valid? Provide at least one suggestion for revision. Yes, she talks about solutions that will help benefit for everyone and not just themselves there is nothing more to be done to this part.
29. Does the author explain why the counter position(s) is/are wrong using a clear syllogism? If not, then what might he/she do to fix this? Yes, she has an opposing side.
30. Does the author provide support for his/her first premise (of the syllogism)? If not, what might he/she do to fix this (What support would make this section clearer or more developed?)? Provide at least one suggestion.
Yes she provides support and yes the section is very clear to what she is talking about or trying to argue.
31. Does the author provide support for his/her second premise (of the syllogism)? If not, what might he/she do to fix this (What support would make this section clearer or more developed?)? Provide at least one suggestion. Yes she provides a second premise.
32. Does the author explain the implications of the evidence (why they prove that the counter position(s) are wrong)? Does the author connect the claim (of the syllogism) to the overall argument (of the essay)? If not, then what might he/she do to fix this section? Provide at least one suggestion for revision. And yes she backs it up with evidence to prove it.
Conclusion
33. Does the author restate his/her main ideas clearly? Is there anything the author might do to better summarize his/her main arguments? Provide at least one suggestion for revision. Yes the author restates their main idea very clearly.
34. Does the author provide a clear application section – that is, does the author clearly explain (1) who is affected by the solution, (2) how the solution affects the audience, (3) what the positive effects are, and (4) what the negative effects may be? If the author has not included all of this information, then what is missing? If the author has included all of this information, then what might the author do to make this section clearer or more developed (what other effects, audiences, etc. might there be)? Provide at least one suggestion for revision. No she doesn’t put in the conclusion who is affected how she can fix this by just adding a little more to the concluding section about who is affected and is there any solutions. This is a concluding statement so we should be able to know can this problem be fix or not.
35. Does the author provide a clear indication of the benefits of the solution? If not, then what are some benefits the author might include? Provide at least one suggestion. No she doesn’t provide no benefits to the solution or the people. She can fix this by adding in a few sentence to why this needs to be taken care of immedeitly
36. Does the author provide specific steps that the audience should follow to solve this issue? If not, then what might he/she do to fix this section? Are there any steps that the author may not have accounted for? If so, what are they? Provide at least one suggestion for revision. No there is no points into the solution to where they should solve the issue at she can fix this by exaplining how the coultion can solve the problems that are continueing to happen.
37. Does the author effectively conclude the essay? If so, what makes the conclusion effective? If not, then what might he/she do to more effectively conclude this essay? Yes she ends the section off very nice leaving the readers to feel as if its there duty to help small businesses.
Works Cited Page
38. Does the author have a works cited page? If so, does he/she have at least 10 sources? If not, how can he/she fix this yes she has a work cited pages nothing neds to be fix right here.
Overall
39. Are any parts of the essay lopsided? (For instance, does main point 1 have more evidence or a longer paragraph than main point 2?) How can the author fix this? Yes I notice that some pararaphs are longer she can fix this by either adding some more information to the shorter ones so they can be a lot more even.
40. Are there any other comments or concerns you have with this essay? Provide at least 2 suggestions for how the author might add length to his/her essay. No there are nothing else.
41. List at least 1 place where the author can add content (length) [more evidence, examples, detail, support, etc.]. main point 1 area I think needs a little more length
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